So, I think it is time I write out her birth story!
I had been in contact with Jen a few times in the weeks leading up to
MaryElise's birth because I was having contractions and thought they might be heading
somewhere...but they never did. I was a little bit nervous because my water had broken with my
first child and I walked around leaking for a few days before I went to the hospital and
found out that all that liquid was, in fact, amniotic fluid. I had kept looking for the
mucous plug, which never materialized at Ian's birth.
So, on a Friday afternoon, almost two weeks after my "due date", Jen visited the
house and rubbed some Evening Primrose Oil on my cervix. I think she said I was a couple of
centimeters at that time, but I knew from my first pregnancy that one can walk
around for a LONG TIME at two centimeters!
The next day, I lost my mucous plug. And the next. And the next. And the next.
This is really funny to me because my biggest "complaint" about Ian's birth is that I
never got to see the darn mucous plug everyone talked about so much. I had no idea what itlooked
like, so I thought well, maybe I missed it. This time, the Universe made sure Idid not miss
the mucous plug, as it made its way out over three days. (Who knew it was so
big????) I tried very hard to not take this as anything big, but I did see is as a
positive sign that
things were eventually going to start happening.
Monday afternoon, my copy of "The Wise Woman's Herbal for the Childbearing Year"
arrived in the mail. I had ordered it the week before because I am interested in
going to midwifery school and I had read all the books I had already from cover to cover.
I opened it to the pages that address inducing labor and decided to give one of the
remedies a try.After talking it over with my husband and agreeing that it was not going to do
any harm to try the remedy, I drove to the store and purchased the following:
Orange Juice
Castor Oil
Vodka.
I remember walking out of the liquor store, first of all embarrassed for being
SO pregnant and buying a bottle of Absolut, and thinking "Okay, this is it. If you drink
this, you are not going to be pregnant any more." and taking just a minute to make sure I was ok
with that. When I got home, I followed the instructions in the book and drank one glass of
the concoction and took a hot shower. An hour later, I drank another and decided
that I would not repeat the dose again after an hour because I was already feeling
drunk and did not want to get the baby drunk too.
Then we went to a neighbor's house and played a board game until about eleven.
When we got home, the castor oil took effect. I went to get up to take another shower and GUSH my water
broke. I was so happy! My husband and I high fived one another and I called Jen. She said
just call her back when things get going. We both thought it was a good idea for my
husband to get some rest, but there was no way I was going to be able to sleep. I called my
Mom at around midnight and took a shower. Then, I ate some Ramen noodles. I was not
hungry at all, but after having had my son in a hospital
where I wasn't allowed to eat, I was bound and determined to eat during this labor!
Then, I settled in on the birthing ball and starting timing my contractions.
Time started doing really weird stuff, like speeding up during the contractions. They were
timing at a minute or so long each, but I was feeling like they were much much shorter.
Things started to get so that I couldnt move or talk through my contractions at around
two a.m. so I called Jen and she said she was on her way.
I woke up my husband, who set about filling up the birthing pool, which was out on our
deck. The night was unseasonably cool, though, so we didnt end up using it much.
I guess we used it for about an hour, but like I said time was doing all sorts of funky
things. The whole night seems like it went by in an hour as I remember it now and I felt
that way, then, too.
Jen arrived at three o'clock and I was ready to go use the tub. We spent some time out
there under a big big moon, but it was chilly outside and my contractions were coming on
super super strong. I said to Jen "I guess I should tell you what I did." She just looked at
me. I told her what I had drunk the night before. She said something about
castor oil births sometimes being like Pitocin births (hard and fast) which this labor
totally seemed to be...and when I complained she said "You didn't call me!"
We moved inside because it was no longer comfortable for me to be out in the pool. I was
frightened by how hard the contractions were coming. When I had my son, I was
in active labor for twenty four hours and I could not imagine being in labor this hard for
that long again. I asked Jen to check me. She said she could tell
by the way I was looking and acting that I was around seven centimeters. I went to the
bathroom and it took my forever to get back into the living room because the contractions
were coming so so fast. By the time I got back in the room and on the ball for a few
minutes, I felt like I couldnt take it any longer. I got on the bed we had set up in the
living room and just rocked back and forth and chanted "Hail Mary, full of grace" between
contractions. I was ready to pray to anyone who would listen at that point. I literally screamed
with every contraction because moaning was just not cutting it any more. Soon, Jen checked
me again and found that I was totally dilated. I was astounded. I thought I was going to
labor like this for hours and hours. I couldnt believe it was okay to push.
Now what?????
With my son, I had an epidural after over twelve hours on the Pitocin so I had no idea what
was going on "down there" when it was "time to push". The nurses and my doula all
shouted at me when it was time to push and I could not feel anything at all. I had no idea
if I was doing it right except based on their feedback, and I couldnt tell the difference
between a good push and an ineffective one. So, this time I was freaking out a
little bit about not knowing what to do and Jen and my husband just stayed calm and quiet. I was
thinking "Why is nobody telling me what to do??????" All of a sudden, I knew exactly when
and how to push. A contraction would come, and at its peak I would jump on top of it like I was surfing on a wave. If I tried to push any time before the "right" time, I could tell it was not effective and a waste of my energy. I
felt like I was working so hard but I knew I had to work even harder. When I hit the bottom with
each contraction, I had to dig even deeper.
In that moment I realized that nobody was going to get this baby
out forme, nobody was even able to help me get the baby out. I was either going to stay
pregnant forever (which seemed like an actual possibility in
the heat of the moment) or do the work, myself. I decided to get that baby born.
Jen suggested I move from all fours to squatting, and that helped the baby to
move down even further. At this point, Jen called out to my husband. I was facing away from her
and I
wondered, "Oh no, what could be so wrong that Jen needs to ask my husband for
advice?"
"Is something wrong????" I turned around to see my husband chasing a bat around
the
room with a broom. "Everything's fine..." he said in his best
pretending-everything-is-
totally-casual voice.
When I finally pushed MaryElise out, I just remember saying "It can't be real!
It can't be
real!" It was just so amazing. I was squatting, my husband was behind me with
the baby
in his hands. He handed her to me from behind and I just could not believe I had
just given
birth to this baby. My husband said that when just her head was out, she was
just hanging
there looking serene like a little Buddhist monk. The sun was just rising and
we heard the
first birdsong of
the day just
before she came out. She was born at 5:45 am. She was calm and beautiful.
I immediately felt so empowered and disbeliving at the same time. Did I just do
that?
Nobody else told me the way. Nobody yelled "push push push!". My body knew
exactly
how to give birth to MaryElise and I rose to the challenge. I have never been
more proud of
anything in my life. I thought I knew the limits of my strength and my
power...and then I
gave birth to my daughter. And I felt as high as a kite. "It's our baby!"
After the birthing of the placenta, my husband went and got champagne and the
birthday
cake I had baked for MaryElise the day before I went into labor. We all had cake
and
champagne and I just rested while MaryElise nursed and slept and we just were so
happy in that calm moment together. Everything felt really perfect, calm and
natural. Im so
so grateful we had her at home, that I found Jen and that my husband honored my
wish to
have the baby on my terms in our home.
****This is a copy of a post I wrote on a message board for homebirthers in the WNY/NWPA area. I thought Id share it here with you, too.
-H
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